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I Would I Were Thy Bird

by Nancy McArthur

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1.
I quit my job Started a mutiny With anybody who join me We packed it all Only unnecessaries Set our mind what we couldn’t see And we were not alone In leaving home Found the road was three trucks deep And everybody had a heavy load And that made it worse That only made it worse, mmm I heard you under your breath curse And that made it worse That only made it worse, mmm Like gettin stuck behind a hearse When you’re on a joyride Trying to steer yourself dry There to remind you you’re afraid to die Take your own life Into the sky To fly It just gets worse Only gets worse, mmm Your bones grow brittle and your memory terse Yeah it gets worse Only gets worse, mmm Fears go unconquered like an unquenchable thirst So fuck it all Yeah fuck it all Fuck it all Yeah fuck it all
2.
When it's too late to make an impact All you've said and done is laid down flat In the weeds of the field you planted together You wonder If there's no way to turn back time and Never do any hurtful crime how will I Heal this hand where it severed My blood runs cold At the very least The cut was clean And the Canada geese Couldn't see me scream Or release my dove as she flew the wrong way Bird like a salmon she was swimming upstream, well For now it's warm I can be okay but The first snowstorm I'm a runaway You're only ever leaving town or Finding out you've been jerked around as you're un- Intentionally deceiving You and the one you say you love most you Treat 'em like a friendly ghost you can will Into being on days you're grieving My blood runs cold At the very least The cut was clean And the Canada geese Couldn't see me scream Or release my dove as she flew the wrong way Bird like a salmon she was swimming upstream, well For now it's warm I can be okay but The first snowstorm I'm a runaway The rage of change Wanna crawl back into my old Same violent ways Reassuring myself I'm incapable Always felt safe Hiding the blade of the axe From the ready hand My blood runs cold At the very least The cut was clean And the Canada geese Couldn't see me scream Or release my dove as she flew the wrong way Bird like a salmon she was swimming upstream, well For now it's warm I can be okay but The first snowstorm I'm a runaway I released my dove and she flew the wrong way Bird like a salmon she was swimming upstream, well For now it's warm I can be okay but The first snowstorm I'm a runaway I'm a runaway I'm a runaway I'm a runaway
3.
Winnebago 05:00
Maybe I'll draw the Winnebago I brought a dull pencil of charcoal Etch it slowly yellow windows And all the places it won't go If you listen to the sink The metal sings more than you'd think Like a secret steel drum Plays calypso while you get the dishes done Let me sketch you something messy draw the line let me be clear I’m afraid I gave you all I have to say while we sit here I am grateful for your company your body by the fire Help me spurn me into change to stay the same it would be dire All I do is fill I diligently fill these pages Pouring from an empty cup Empty well, I won’t disrupt Looking for creative purpose For my work now, is it fruitless? Or will ideas grow like leaves If I keep painting naked trees Let me sketch you something messy draw the line let me be clear I’m afraid I gave you all I have to say while we sit here I am grateful for your company your body by the fire Help me spurn me into change to stay the same it would be dire (Let me sketch you Something soulful I am grateful For your fire) Keep daydreaming Keep daydreaming Keep daydreaming Keep daydreaming Keep daydreaming Keep daydreaming Keep daydreaming Keep daydreaming
4.
I Don't Know 06:05
I. Maybe I won’t draw the blinds, ’til I know my eyes Won’t hurt by the sight of the sun Maybe I won’t check the time, ’til I know I’m Too late to get up and go I know enough to know I don’t know Enough to know I don’t know I know enough to know I don’t know Enough to know I don’t know Maybe it’s a pendulum swing, to make it to the next thing Got to go out of my way to get out of my way Maybe I can clear the dust, white vinegar to pick up rust I’ll make new from old I know enough to know I don’t know Enough to know I don’t know I know enough to know I don’t know Enough to know I don’t know II. Don’t commit to anything, you might not feel this way tomorrow Listen to the bluebird sing, she’s undermining all your sorrow So transparent in my dreams, I trace them back to all my fears My complex anxieties are oh, so simple Change the words from bad to good, I wish I understood this feeling Raised in places far away, but still a child in need of rearing When did I decide to stand, still in one place, to slow to land Watch the water drift away and hear the grasses windy wave? III. Don’t know I know enough to know I Don’t know I know enough to know I Don’t know I know enough to know I Don’t know I know enough to know I Don’t know I know enough to know I Don’t know I know enough to know I Don’t know When did I decide to stand still?
5.
Wood Chapel 04:11
I was outside Drew a line Til the tide rose Washing me into a corner Struggling to hold My head high My limbs grew cold Helpless I hoped for a storm Or a wave To certify my sinking Take me away Or pour me a drink and Transport me to a safe Dissociative place Free of anyone Dragging me down When I say dragon I mean fire breathing Opening scars in the sky Wreaking havoc One day and then Leaving No indication of why Some were born Passionately angry Poisoned in the womb A villainous baby Delivered in gloom Destined to pillage and burn When we we learn? Fashion a chapel Of wood with Your bare hands Fasten a roof out of tin Safeguard our stories And secrets of Stolen land Build it to lock from within These are the ways We hide our transgressions Failures and mistakes And mortifying lessons Hope they will fade As we turn to the heavens to pray Then comes the day
6.
Why Bother 04:07
This is the meaning of your Following of me, indecent Dreaming I'm dawning on your Reason for being, for I don't know why you bother I don't know who you are Don't know why you bother with me Instantly dissolving all my Innocence is crawling into Crevices of putting you to Sleep Slowly undressing all the Weight of your depression, I know You can't help it baby or help Me I don't know why I bother I don't know who you are Don't know why I bother to see I don't know why I fodder Sleeping til noon I am my father's daughter You can assume what you assume I'm weeping under water Of my own doing Lying to linger longer Lighting the room I don't know why you bother I don't know who you are Don't know why you bother with me I don't know why I bother I don't know who you are Don't know why I bother to see
7.
How 06:14
And how Did I leave you weeping In a puddle Somehow I believe you need to Sit here and muddle Through alone Take you off your Throne of dissociation I know Every bone is Crying in indignation You'll see The going just gets Harder from here The highs are high But the lows Endlessly flow and I don’t know how the words left my throat Breath found a tone a let it go I’ll never send the letter that I wrote These words it’s best you don’t know And now I am stuck here under This cloud Back on the prowl Like owl calls Knowing that she’s lonely I am cowed I am crouching under Thunder and hail I am too proud Though the weight of this Decision drags me Down I don’t know how the words left my throat Breath found a tone a let it go I’ll never send the letter that I wrote These words it’s best you don’t know Oh what have I done Where did you come from The garden state is thicker than you think You grew inside of me Killed my creativity Now alone the floodgates are open
8.
Sparrow 03:55
I drank three coffees and I went to sleep In a bed full of farts and jealousy I thought I'd hit my all-time low Til I saw how far I'd left to go I’m tired Goes without saying So why can’t I forgive myself for Straying from The straight and narrow Like a sparrow Flying into things I sat up to write this song And still every other little thing went wrong My pencil fell into the guitar hole And I broke a string trying to take control I’m tired Goes without saying So why can’t I forgive myself for Straying from The straight and narrow Like a sparrow Flying into things I banged my toe on the kitchen chair As if I didn’t see it there Then I stood up and I hit my head Fuck this I’m going back to bed I’m tired Goes without saying So why can’t I forgive myself for Straying from The straight and narrow Like a sparrow Flying into things Like a sparrow Flying into things Like a sparrow Flying into things
9.
Curious Way 03:08
I went home in a spring revival I recovered from the slow strain of survival Boarded a train that would take me away and away And away and away and away I found peace in the same old place Put my mind in a different way Held a seed like a tree and now I do believe I can stay I can stay I can stay I can stay I can say that I’ll stay I let everything settle back down It takes time every time I leave town I surrendered my hands and I took up a dance With a sway with a sway with a sway With a sway in my curious way I pick up my courage It isn't what you had in mind You're so hard to encourage But I'm taking my time And if that ain't a sign that I Looooooove you Well I don't know what is No, I don't know what is Hmm
10.
Vengeance 05:33
The tall grass comes back with a vengeance I watch, I learn its resilience To slow down, practice my patience Make listening a pressing engagement Same djinn still sit on my shoulder They chime in and in ever emboldened To remind me I can try and I will wander away But with me they'll stay Don't take offense that I don't Have time to spend for I have So many miles left of my mind To mine for gold Out here I run in a perfect square now I think I'm finding my alignment But when you call I can't remember at all how To summon the will I thought I'd found If it's any kind of consolation I can see every star at night Yeah, I'm reading all the constellations Like a self-help book on being alright Don't take offense that I don't Have time to spend for I have So many miles left of my mind To mine for gold To mine for gold I don't know how long I need to be alone To feel as though I'm carrying a manageable load The hardest part was leaving home Now I'm gone I'd like to go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go And go and go and go and go and go and go and go And go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go And go and go and go and go and go and go and go And go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go

credits

released December 1, 2023

Nancy McArthur - Vocals, Guitars, Bass, Wine Bottles, Wind Chimes
Delaney Hafener - Bass on tracks 1, 2 & 10
Anthony Riscica - Drums on tracks 1, 2 & 10, Percussion on track 3

All songs by Nancy McArthur
Engineered by Nancy McArthur
Mixed and Co-Produced by Nancy McArthur and Oli D Remembers
Mastered by Gus Elg

Cover Artwork by Claire Barnett

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Nancy McArthur New York

A blend of indie, folk and melancholy, Nancy McArthur’s songs are meditative and heart-searching, with a generous dose of dad jokes.

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